First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
