I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
