Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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