I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just tell him i said nine months
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
