a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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