Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
