god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
