Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
