if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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