Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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