Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
