im six kinds of drunk right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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