and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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