I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
