lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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