He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
