Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The air taste purple.
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