I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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