i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
