the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
