No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
