one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
