the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
