so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
