i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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