It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's blow job season.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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