I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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