please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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