it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
