Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
