dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
