How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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