I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
