Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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