Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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