But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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