I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
