I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
