and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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