Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
