I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
