I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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