Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
