The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
