i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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