and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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