I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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