how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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