I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
