so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
