I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize