If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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