hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
