i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
