matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
