Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
