He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
