This is not my ceiling
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
