it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
