I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
